As salaam alaikum,
I was suddenly reminded of this poem from For Colored Girls when talking to a friend a few days ago. I looked for the entry about a year ago when I quoted it, and I read it, closed my eyes and remembered where I was, and thanked God how far I have come.
Here's the excerpt I then most identified with:
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff
& i waz standin
lookin at myself
the whole time
& it waznt a spirit took my
waz a man whose
ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow
waz a man
n my innocenc
waz a lover
i made too much
almost run off wit alla my
& i didnt know i’d give it up so quik
& the one runnin
don’t know he got it
& i’m shoutin this is mine
know he got it
my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure
did you know somebody almost got away wit me
me in a plastic bag
under their arm
danglin on a string of personal carelessness...
At the time, I know I didn't feel as if I had recovered everything back yet. I said it, hoping to claim it, but there was still desperation in my words. Why are we women like this, I wondered.
One year after I wrote that first entry, he has nothing of mine. Not a strand of my hair nor my taste in his mouth. My body and my spirit are all my own, all my own stuff that God gave me and I'm not letting anyone take it away anymore, not under their arm, stuck to the sole of their shoe or tucked in their butt crack.
And it's a very liberating thing to realize, in the midst of what had been angst and longing for the day where I wouldn't hurt...to not be hurting.