All in Love is Fair

As salaam alaikum,

"All is fair in love...love's a crazy game..."

It is, Stevie, it is.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. There are a few times in your life when you really do feel like you're at the mercy of God's grace. Embarking on a relationship is one of them.

Whether one is of the opinion that romantic love is a frivolous Western invention or not, no one can deny that it is hard to relate to another person. There's an air of mystery in the fact that you cannot exist in the other person's head and cannot know what they are thinking. Compound that with a person whose communication skills are less than ideal, and ba-da-bing! Crisis state results.

I used to want a long-lasting marriage. I wanted to get married and have assurance from God that it would work out, that we'd never get divorced, that we had a happy and healthy relationship...but, as life goes on, I realize that this may not be possible or probable. Maybe God doesn't want that for me. Maybe it's not for me.

And then what?

I can only guarantee that I will be faithful, that I won't cheat, that I'll do everything within my power and within reason to make the relationship work. I have no idea about the other person. Who can you trust? Someone who claims to be God-fearing, who has members of the community vouch for him? No one really knows what he does behind closed doors, and who can speak to his ideas about women?

The quest for marriage is more than looking for an attractive man who meets a checklist of traits. It's also about trust. Even the man who seems very trustworthy, full of character and righteousness, could have a sudden change of heart and leave you in the lurch. You have to go prayerfully forward and trust that, therefore, God won't allow someone in your life who is not worth your time...

But at some point, you do have to somewhat trust the other person, to let them into your life, to share half of your deen with, to let them into your body and into your family.

I'm surprised it ever works. It's just by the grace of God. And if it weren't for God and His presence as I make decisions for my life, it would be a journey I wouldn't embark on at all.

Because it's too crazy and too risky and it's yet to be worth it for me. All that I've gotten is a lot of pain and self-doubt in return.

"A writer takes his pen, to write the words again...all in love is fair."