Yes, I deleted my last post. It's something rare, but I really wasn't feeling it anymore immediately after I wrote it. Go figure.
But you know what I realized? Pretty much since I started third year, I have not really had nightmares.
I usually say du'as right before going to sleep (even though I sometimes go to sleep on them...oops), and I usually pray not to have any nightmares. It may seem like a silly thing to pray for, but I have very vivid dreams.
Whoa...for example, last night, I had a dream that I was a 12-year-old boy who liked this 12-year-old girl. Hahaha, that's never happened before...I've never been someone else in a dream before. At one point, we were sitting on this wire thing situated high above our middle school building, and we were going to retreat to solid ground and I got startled and screamed like a girl, and the guys wouldn't let me hear the end of it!
So I have very vivid dreams. I can eat in the dreams and I have all five senses. That means I can feel pain. So, any nightmare has the potential to be a horrible experience that I'll never forget, so I try to avoid them.
Anyway, I realized...except for that one dream that I mentioned about the mall earlier, I don't think I've had a nightmare since I've been in this apartment. It's all the grace of Allah (swt), really, but even in times (for example, during third year) where I got bad at remembering my evening du'as...
Could it be because I have a Qur'an at the head of my bed in my nightstand? It's actually a Qur'an I rarely read because it's a Yusuf Ali translation, the one I grew up with...in my living room, I have Muhammad Asad, which is what I read these days. I have both...just because. The Asad is mine, the Ali I lifted from my house. My mother had two, one that was really worn, falling apart...she rarely uses this one, so it's crisp.
Could it be that my bed is facing Qibla? I didn't do it purposefully...it's just so so it gives me more carpeted room on the floor for salat if I positioned the bed this way.
Could it be that third year warped my brain so that I can only think about non-traumatic things since plenty of trauma happens in the hospital?
I don't know. I welcome this new state.
Haha, I can't believe I was a 12-year-old boy in my dream! That's really never happened before...no idea where that came from. I think it's from reading all of these books from children's perspectives...