Next Lifetime

As salaam alaikum,

I'm not going to lie, I miss B. Not because he was the perfect match or even a good match for me, just because he was who he was. I think it was really not cool of him for me to wait until I got close to him and bail out. In fact, I think many men are emotionally lazy. When they discover that it is takes emotional effort to be with someone, they bail. They don't want to share their life, they don't like the idea of being with only one person, even when the alternative is them being alone. That's what B is doing right now. And he won't hear of otherwise. So after trying one last time to be friends with him, I let him go. Let him wallow in his sorrow, let him exist in and of himself, whatever it is that he is intent on doing. According to my premonition, I have other things to worry about in the upcoming months, no time to would've should've could've with that...

Residency is looming, and while my bedside manner is tight, alhamdulillah, I need to make sure I have the skills and the knowledge behind that to make me a really phenomenal doctor. No time to worry about men who are not worrying about me. He is now added to that list.

It's also really hard to relate to someone who you'd know would accept Islam if they'd open their eyes beyond the radius of their nose. Everything was in place. He had a best friend that was Muslim...but we didn't even get that far before he bailed. I wonder why it was that we were to be in each others' lives. I wonder what purpose it served besides convincing me to stay even farther from haram.

Anyway, as I realized we were drifting apart, this song went through my head...so now, it won't have to be next lifetime until the next one comes around...