Tired

As salaam alaikum,

It's official. I am tired of medical school and I'm ready to be done!

It's not that I'm tired of learning. Quite the contrary. I've been learning all of my life, and quite differently from what I believed as a child, you continue learning as an adult, and it's good for you. I'm always learning something new. It'll be exciting to be an intern and be taught something by my seniors and attendings.

I'm tired of medical school grades! Two years is enough (the first two years were pass-fail) for the emotionally draining process of being graded in medical school. The feedback is rarely that constructive, the systems are sometimes arbitrary, and yet you feel like your ability to match into the residency program of your choice is determined by this very subjective measure of your aptitude. Or, even worse, you feel like the grade delineates what type of doctor you'll be. A grade that is not the highest feels like a sign of your personal mediocrity and ineffectiveness as a future physician, and often comments one gets from their grades are not helpful to improvement.

I'm ready to be in an environment where I'm not afraid to ask questions for fear that my grader will not think I'm well-read enough. I'm ready to be in an environment where my feedback is truly meant to help me improve and not meant to grade me or compare me to my peers. I'm ready to learn my field with people who are interested in teaching me so that I'm an effective physician. I see the interns, what they know, how they learn it, what they do. It's time!

And insha'Allah, that will come in due time. My application with ERAS is complete, alhamdulillah. I'm waiting to hear from the west coast programs at this point...