Wednesday, April 6, 2011


As salaam alaikum,

Yes, marriage. Marriage marriage marriage.

I'm tired of talking about marriage! I'm tired of talking about/thinking about how many Muslimahs are single, what their race/ethnicity is and if there's an epidemic. I'm tired of ingesting all of the statistics about single black women, single black mothers, never married black women and 10% of black prison, one in three black men to ever be incarcerated. I'm tired of this group who won't marry this group or this group that considers this group a prize, whether it's true or not.

I'm tired of it!

Because, you know, in the end, alhamdulillah, we're not marrying all of these people or the statistics! We're marrying one person. And alhamdulillah, He listens to our prayers.

I didn't end up with the last guy I actually intended to end up with because Allah (swt) is merciful. He was a mess and I was willing to overlook a lot of incompatibilities that would have made the relationship really hard for me. The more I examine the entire situation, the more that I see that it was really God intervening and pushing him gently out of my life, though he remained confused as to what was going on.

Sisters, that we remain single and haven't found someone yet is because it's still in the works. It's not that we're less deserving that anyone else or necessarily that we're less ready. It's all about a space and time thing, we humans that are bound by these dimensions. Outside of these dimensions and with Allah (swt) the answer is in existence. We will know, insha'Allah, when the time comes and the space is right.

I have to remind myself of this. If I could know that if I attempt another relationship, I'd end up with 2-10 more guys like the last one...and if I waited for the right one to come along, it may take x amount of time but it will be right, I'd totally wait that x amount of time. Allah (swt) knows what my heart desires, especially since I've been praying about it over the years.

I feel less bad about having been without prospects all of those years I was single because I know that I was avoiding just what I experienced in the last relationship.

But yes. We have to realize, we are not the statistics! We are individuals with our individual circumstance and individual faith. I am not every single Muslimah. I am not every single black woman. I have my own story, my own unique story that sets me apart and insha'Allah will attract whoever I shall marry.

And God knows the time and the place. I can't, but for the first time in my life I am sure that I will marry, someone, at some point. I know because I'm actively working towards it, prayerfully so as well, and I know from my last relationship that God really does answer our prayers. Although the relationship ended, it was an answer to a Ramadan prayer of mine that I realize is not done realizing itself, alhamdulillah.

So these will actually be my last words on marriage for a while. I'm taking at least a month-long marriage-talk hiatus...well, maybe less than that, since a friend of mine here is getting married in less than a month.

But other than that, I'm not fretting about marriage, I'm not philosophizing about marriage...I'm really tired of talking about it. Allah (swt) provides, and for those of us that He's made it hard for us, He's building our character and fortifying us for greatness...and the rest of this life.

Believe that! I am...

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