As salaam alaikum,
I meant to post yesterday, but I was so tired, there was no way that was happening.
Yesterday, I moved out of my place of the last 2 years and 3 months.
Well, it's complicated, because I'm there right now. At my old place. I couldn't move into my new place because the girl's current roommate cannot move into her new place until May 1. I moved my stuff in so I could go to my friend's wedding in STL on May 1. And then I'm using today to clean. My floor is covered in crap, some of which I may want to keep the rest that is going into the trash. I also have to go sign my new lease tonight, which will be the opportune time for me to drop off my office chair...which I somehow neglected to pack onto the truck yesterday.
I was basically up working at 6:30am and did not stop until we dropped off the truck at 5:30pm. My feet really hurt when I was done. All that is left in the house is my trash and a few nick nacks that I forgot that I plan to drop off in my new place this evening at 6:30pm when I go to sign the lease.
I also feel like I have a new lease on life, too, during this time.
Time was, I would have crumbled under the stress of everything I have to do. I am really stressed out, though...next week, I have four presentations, and the week after that, I have three papers due and two exams. My friends wedding is this weekend and I'll miss a day of class because of it. I have an assignment that is due on Monday as well, lest I forget. I basically don't stop until the last day of class May 13...and even with this, I'm okay.
I mean, it may also be due to the fact that my MPH grades don't matter for anything. But I do need to do all of this stuff to pass and get my degree in the first place...but...
I don't know. Now that I know what I want to do with my life, I'm comfortable with the stress. Before, it was more or less going through the motions with the future being a level of uncertainty that just brought more stress. I think that part, having clear aspirations towards my career, has put everything into perspective for me and I'm more than willing to endure the tough to get to where I want to be as a clinician and a public health practitioner.
The other thing is that I think yesterday I finally came to terms with the fact that B is a jerk. I don't care what he used to be anymore...that's irrelevant. He is a jerk. My friend who helped me move told me so, simply, succinctly in a way that only guys sum things up. "He's a jerk. Don't worry about it." Everyone reacts the same way to the story. Did I need a critical mass for me to recognize that it was true? I guess so.
But even before I made that realization, I've long moved on. How have I moved on? Well...I've rejoined the world of online matrimonials/dating for the past three weeks or so, with tremendous yield! I think I'm more ready for it than I was a couple of years back when I tried and I didn't feel as if it were halal for me to be talking to so many men at once. Hah, for a lot of reasons, I no longer have that feeling anymore...
And I'm tired of every month of PMS getting to me, me ending up somewhere lamenting my perpetual single life and wondering who I will be able to marry. This is unhealthy, and this is how I let B happen. Not saying that I regret B coming into my life or what went on between us...no, it taught me some important lessons and solidified for me my own morals. But if I were in the place that I am now, for as "nice guy" as he was at the outset, he wouldn't have made the cut.
Insha'Allah I have a lot of years of life left. I've worked so much for my career, that which I always said would be second to family life, and yet, I was not doing anything active toward attaining that family life until I met B, and I don't want that to end with him. So, forward I go.
I'm set to meet a couple of the eligible bachelors, but as with B, I won't mention them or name them until they actually actually become a part of my life. I say it like that because there are a few promising ones. I have two favorites for sure, two more that are like runners up.
Oh yeah, and then I found out that MTQ is not actually really married yet, and that really confused me. And then for some reason that gave me more fuel to go forward and take care of my business and find myself someone who makes me feel the way TQ used to make me feel about him...and not settle for less any anymore.
I'll be moving to a new place with a purple bedroom that I may paint a pale green if I'm so inspired. Insha'Allah I will put my own hand into finding my husband instead of expectantly waiting for "the one" to drop out of the sky. I handle stress better now because I am in control of the parts of my life that I can have control over, though ever cognizant of my God and that at the end of the day it's His will that reigns...