Saturday, June 4, 2011

Full Circle

As salaam alaikum,

I just wrote an email to my cousins that turned into a short story, so I'll spare my readers here (unless you really want the detailed, juicy version of the story...yes, there is some juice). Anyway, long story short, I met up with B last Monday and we had a two-and-a-half hour long conversation that yielded the following fruits:

(1) I got him to apologize to me. What started off as a standard, unimpressive apology quickly became what I always wanted to hear from him after the telling-me-I-was-fat incident: He told me that he didn't mean it, he never meant to say it at all. All along, he was going through issues, so it never was about me. He also revealed that I was one of the most beautiful, greatest people he'd ever known, and he felt like he effed it up. He said he should have done other things, just asked for a break, some space to figure things out, and recognize that I gave him those routes and he didn't take them. Okay. That's everything I wanted to hear.

(2) I got to say everything I wanted to about his behavior over the last three months. I told him how not even a jerk would say what he said to me to a woman, that I felt like our relationship didn't mean anything because he broke up with me over crap, that I felt really bad about myself and really angry at him for a long time because I had trusted him, etc. I got all of that off of my chest. I never have to do that again.

(3) He did not try to get back with me! I mean, this is a victory. I knew he wasn't ready as things started falling apart in February, and I knew his mental health was poor. That he recognizes this and is striving to take care of himself is excellent, and I have major respect for him on that front.

In short, he owned up to saying something really hurtful, not meaning it, being truly sorry and recognizing that what was really up is that he was going through times (I haven't said that in a while) and needed a break from what we were, and he didn't want me to wait for him. That is all I ever wanted...boys are remedial sometimes, though, so it took him three months to do it.

I am now at peace with the entire thing and can look back on our relationship with fond memories and lessons learned. We came full circle, this chapter is over and I'm excited for the next!

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