As salaam alaikum,
Desilusão, desilusão, danço eu, dança você na dança da solidão...
It's funny how portions of the Qur'an stick out to you more in your reading of them depending on your own personal situation. For me, it became manifestly apparent that I don't want to be of the ones who praise Allah (swt) when times are good and retreat, curling into fetal position, when times are bad. I tend to fall back on disillusion like a bad habit, especially on the topic of my solitude...singleness, loneliness, however you want to put it.
This Ramadan, though, I'm recognizing it, and putting an end to it. I retreat to easily, when the path gets a little bit bumpy, but the best is yet to come, insha'Allah. The best is yet to come and I'd get there sooner if I stopped running away and hiding.
As I prayed 'Asr today, I stopped in the middle of my du'as because I didn't even know what I was going to say anymore. My world is constantly growing with the more I learn and understand...and I learn that there's so much more world that I'll probably never understand, and understand that I've got infinity to learn.
Knowing how vast the world is and how singly powerful Allah (swt) to will anything to be possible...it makes me wonder sometimes if I'm even praying for things that I need, or if my ideal path in this life is still beyond the reach of my perception. Allah's plan is always greater.
So this Ramadan, insha'Allah, I'll combat disillusion. Loneliness is my portion for only a time, and it's okay that I don't understand why. It's like Musa (as) and the sage...there's meaning behind everything, and I may never know why, but it's better for me anyway, though I may not see it immediately. Allahu a'lam.
“And he who forsakes the domain of evil for the sake of God shall find on earth many a lonely road, as well as life abundant...” – An-Nisaa’, (4:100).