Saturday, August 28, 2010


As salaam alaikum,

Desilusão, desilusão, danço eu, dança você na dança da solidão...

It's funny how portions of the Qur'an stick out to you more in your reading of them depending on your own personal situation. For me, it became manifestly apparent that I don't want to be of the ones who praise Allah (swt) when times are good and retreat, curling into fetal position, when times are bad. I tend to fall back on disillusion like a bad habit, especially on the topic of my solitude...singleness, loneliness, however you want to put it.

This Ramadan, though, I'm recognizing it, and putting an end to it. I retreat to easily, when the path gets a little bit bumpy, but the best is yet to come, insha'Allah. The best is yet to come and I'd get there sooner if I stopped running away and hiding.

As I prayed 'Asr today, I stopped in the middle of my du'as because I didn't even know what I was going to say anymore. My world is constantly growing with the more I learn and understand...and I learn that there's so much more world that I'll probably never understand, and understand that I've got infinity to learn.

Knowing how vast the world is and how singly powerful Allah (swt) to will anything to be makes me wonder sometimes if I'm even praying for things that I need, or if my ideal path in this life is still beyond the reach of my perception. Allah's plan is always greater.

So this Ramadan, insha'Allah, I'll combat disillusion. Loneliness is my portion for only a time, and it's okay that I don't understand why. It's like Musa (as) and the sage...there's meaning behind everything, and I may never know why, but it's better for me anyway, though I may not see it immediately. Allahu a'lam.

“And he who forsakes the domain of evil for the sake of God shall find on earth many a lonely road, as well as life abundant...” – An-Nisaa’, (4:100).


  1. I almost *never* talk about this sort of topic. But I admit I've been getting sort of similar pangs this Ramadaan, too. What it does for me though is instead of slip into tricks of shaytan (learned this year about despair in the mercy of Allaah.... rather... not to lol) it makes me smile and gives me strength. Because I feel more serious about it and it's one of the few dream-like things that I have that can really become a reality. But in order for that to happen there's a lot I probably have to do, maybe. I'm always humbled by the realization that if I'm getting married for the sake of Allaah swt, the upholding and uplifting of the deen isn't going to be met with just a set of complementary characteristics. Allaah can make it happen in any way. So the more it crosses my mind for the first (or maybe second) time in my life the more it actually makes me stronger even though I don't even have any image in mind. I guess this is what they call sabrun jameeloon? Beautiful patience is that which starts at the onset and only makes one stronger? Fasting is awesome

  2. Salaams, bro!

    I agree...I also almost never talk about this. I always consider it personal and talking about it is almost equivilant to talking about past sins...not necessary to air one's dirty laundry. But it was such a big realization for me, I had to mention it.

    It's like, been the biggest test for me since 7 years ago when I decided, upon moving to college, to become a more practicing Muslim, moving out of my father's house. I've had small disillusions, yes, but important ones, small tests that I feel like I've been failing, but Allah's patience and mercy are greater than whatever of those attributes I have for myself, of course, alhamdulillah.

    Enduring hardships, huge or small small, only makes you stronger, I agree. And fasting is, indeed, awesome.

    ma'asalama, ~Chinyere