As salaam alaikum,
Read my last entry. Yes, I'm jocking myself, but I liked it. I felt like it was an important thing for me to realize that was often a barrier for me being constant/sincere in prayer, and recognizing it has helped me to take a huge step in my practice that has always been a bit of a struggle. Insha'Allah I keep this always in mind.
Well, I've been enjoying this Ramadan! And although recently I've been having food dreams when I go to sleep after fajr, thus making me feel like I'm breaking my fast, I'm beginning to look at others around me differently. I used to look at the eating masses during the day and it made me acutely aware at how much Americans eat during the day, especially when they aren't actually hungry. I now look at people eating acknowledging that people eat around me all the time while I'm not eating, even if I'm not fasting, and I was no longer acutely aware of their feeding.
Inevitably, during Ramadan, not eating during the day is no longer a struggle and come Eid it feels criminal to eat during the day. However, this Ramadan, I've started to look at those eating their food and think, dude, if you could only get a whiff of the state of grace I feel during Ramadan and with fasting, and if only with that sense of grace could you appreciate the blessings above and beyond our perception, you'd be joining me in fast!
I just had a long talk with my roommate, and gol-ly! She doesn't "believe" in following career because you like it, nor does she believe in leisure. The first I can get with, but what is there to believe or not believe about leisure time? You can not like leisure time, but this is even strange to me because leisure time is my favorite time of the day.
And I realized it was a blessing that I am who I am. I love the way that I think and perceive the world...it doesn't frustrate me (ultimately), and I'm able to achieve harmony. I go to sleep smiling. Things of that nature.
And I realized, alhamdulillah, I'm able to be happy and thankful about everything that I am, who I am, and at peace with life at the moment. I reflected on other things about me I'm thankful for.
For one, I'm thankful that I can have vivid dreams. I explained to this same roommate an involved dream that I had that I was part of a team of scientist detectives that teleported ourselves to ancient Italy when things were written on tablets, except everything seemed very much like modern times, except for a different mode of dress and...menus for restaurants written on tablets. I had ice cream (probably gelato)...it was coconut flavored, and I actually ate it in the dream. That was exciting. Then I went back to the man's office, where I teleported to this rural town in present time. While with my partner, we warned a group of school kids and their teacher to stay out of the field. We couldn't tell her that it was because one of our space shuttles would land in the field. There was an old church adjacent to the field and another possible landing field on the other side where the kids didn't frequent to play. Though we feared the building collapse because it was old, we relocated that as the landing pad.
Later, I would wake up to heat and steam coming from below my door. I unintelligently opened the door, and glowing orange, hot steam flowed in accompanied by a deafening sound. I put blankets under the door, fearing fire, and ran to open my window. The steam subsided, and in the commotion I heard outside I realized that the space shuttle must have landed. President Obama was on the spaceship and landed. People were so amazed by what he did, they were no longer concerned about his birth certificate, about the Cordoba project, about any of the controversial issues right now. It was like, support your president. I went to tell my parents, but they were asleep in bed after a long day's trip the previous day. They did not respond to the landing of the space ship. My brother was downstairs, complaining about how the microwave had turned on and was "boiling" his food. He took out a plate of rice and stew that burned his hands, so he set it on the chopping board.
There were gas burners on that I turned off, assuming my parents had been careless the night before. I looked out of the window but people obscured Obama. I decided to go out of the front door (which by this time was the door to my old house) to see the commotion, but realized that I hadn't yet brush my teeth (which I hadn't yet in real life, either). I ran into the house and up the familiar stairs of my old house...and then I woke up.
But yeah, scientist detectives. I don't know what we were trying to figure out.
There were other things that I like about myself that I'm thankful for. Maybe I'll feature them when it's not minutes to suhoor and I still haven't gone to sleep yet!