Sunday, March 27, 2011

If I let another man into my life...

(As salaam alaikum),'ll be too soon.

I just found out that B broke up with me because he was no longer attracted to me because of my weight. My weight.

I don't trust men. I don't trust anyone whose primary reasons for wanting to be with someone is physical attraction. That my weight (and I'm not even obese...I am overweight, yes, 20 pounds so, but still) is such a turnoff that you don't want to be with, he's said enough.

He was totally unworthy of the time and love I gave him. Totally unworthy. So I told him that. Yep, I feel bad, I've never said such mean things to someone in my life before, but I don't know how he thought that would end but badly. He couldn't have exited gracefully and said that he realized he no longer wanted to be with a Muslim. That would have been so easy! But no, he said it was weight. Just me, being fat to him. And that's worth throwing away what he had, which he apparently felt little for...

No more! Let him stick around for all of the women that are not knocking on his door.

I think I called him a name in the email though. May God forgive me. I will say one last prayer for him, and then I'm outtie!


  1. I am sorry you had to go through this experience. My hope is that it doesn't make you self-conscious about your body. I loved the posts where you embraced your body as is.

  2. Unfortunately, I have become acutely aware of my body now. Aware that it may be the thing that has turned men, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, away from me for all of these years. I realize that a lot of my wanting to lose weight was partially to have a body more appealing to men, and I'm not sure I want to lose weight anymore. I'm afraid of attracting someone so shallow back into my life... I spent a lot of time with him, and now all I can think about that time was that he was brooding was that he was thinking that I was fat, and he didn't like me...pssh.

    But it makes it really easy to get over him, that's for sure!

  3. I wrote a long response that somehow got erased (I think)

    long story short... you are so much better than that. Thankfully not everyone is as superficial as B... Next!

  4. @gazelle: Unfortunately, I still feel fat. :(

  5. Who doesn't?

    The important thing is that you will do the necessary exercise/dieting etc. that you feel you need to do when you want to do it.

    I saw a clip of the late Elizabeth Taylor when she was married to John Warner and throughout the interview he kept pointing to the fact that she was fat and that she should "eat more vegetables." Well, she laughed it off then, but later (after divorcing she said that she hated herself at time and hated all the fat jokes. She gained more weight out of spite, but then when she was ready, she lost it.

    I can't really claim to know what it's like to have weight issues all ones life but I am on my hussle right now, and know that it is not easy... no body is perfect and a few extra pounds is nothing to fuss over. And no matter how thin you are you may still feel "Fat." I used to moan about how "fat" I was in college and now that I am a good 10-12 pounds heavier, I am yearning for my body

    Here's to diet and exercise! (I actually need to lose like 10 before a wedding/reunion in May... sigh).

    The important thing is that you know your worth :-)

  6. @gazelle: Yeah, I rationalized that if the relationship had worked out (and it could have), I would have lived being self-conscious about my weight and would have lived losing weight for the wrong reasons. In a relationship, one should not have to constantly wonder if the partner is still attracted, and I'm convinced that if it weren't my weight, he would have found another reason to not be attracted. He got scared and bailed. That's all I see. He just did it in a really a-holey way.

    And if men really knew my worth, they'd be lining up and I'd be having to push them away (all of us, really)...but only the special ones find that out. ;)