Thursday, March 31, 2011

Rest of My Life

As salaam alaikum,

For some reason, it suddenly smells like tangerines in here. Tangerines or peaches, I can't tell.

Today is really the first day of the rest of my life. This was the first day that I didn't think about B every hour or so and end up scowling. I thought about him a couple of times today, sure, but I didn't get angry. I didn't wonder why. I think it was because this morning I came to ultimate peace about the whole thing. No matter if it was because he thought I was fat and was no longer "physically" attracted to me or any other number of dumb the end, it all indicates that he wasn't ready for the type of relationship I wanted.

Poor fool is in for the surprise of his life when he discovers that I was actually one of the best ones out there, and it's going to take him a long time (if not years) to find a deal as good as me. And you know what, she may be even bigger than I am! That he gave me up tells me he really didn't appreciate what he had.

At the same time, this all liberates me, and lets me be free. It teaches me more what I want and allows me to dream big. I'm not sacrificing anything for a man ever again until after we sign the marriage contract. And I'm not talking about just sexual things...I'm talking about spiritual things, excessive time, energy, emotion, all of those things I expended on B's behalf that he apparently didn't appreciate. When we're good with God, we're good to go!

But I'm California-bound for the second time in my life. I'll be praying for it, but I think I want to go to UCSF for my family medicine residency. If I could live in Oakland, that would be awesome, but I think I'll just have to get used to layering all year round, suck it up, and head to SF.

Time for me to make that happen.

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