As salaam alaikum,
I was just reading through an old story I wrote, and my old short stories, and I was just humbled. I wasn't nearly the spiritually enlightened child I imagined myself to be as a teenager, and my world was very different, very insular. It took my last years of high school and liking MTQ to force my world open a lot, and it took years of just experience under my belt to get me to this place I am now, more spiritually evolved but still having a long way to go. I look at my writings and I know that it's just by God's grace that I'm here right now, because so many times I've begged God to not be here anymore...it's by His grace that I'm here to live another day and strive in the Muslim way. I see that clearer than ever now. And for that, I am humbled.
Through the ups and downs of the past few years, I'm glad to be back here. Insha'Allah, I'll be able to stay.
And I know that I often complain about how Muslims make it hard for other Muslims to practice Islam sometimes, and I still hold that to be true. But the fact of the matter is, you can't tell what is in people's hearts, and if I don't have companionship in other Muslims, I don't have companionship with anyone on this earth. Even though some of us make big mistakes, we're all striving in the same direction and for the same God, so let me remember that. We as Muslims can do better, but let me not deride any of my fellow Muslims who may, in fact, be doing the best they can:
"And so, they who come after them pray: "O our Sustainer! Forgive us our sins, as well as those of our brethren who preceded us in faith,a nd let not our hearts entertain any unworthy thoughts or feelings against [any of] those who have attained to faith. O our Sustainer! Verily, Thou art compassionate, a dispenser of grace." (59:10)
The community is observing Eid on Tuesday, insha'Allah. If I have time, I might do the last two ajiza tomorrow...and then on Eid do some general reflections on the month.